Journal 05/10/13

It gets harder to post regularly even though it's summer vacation. My first week of work went well, and I feel as though I started with God... and I hope I continue to hold on to Him for dear life. It's the best place to be:

to be moved to tears at the thought of His beauty, to find myself frustrated for not loving Him enough, to know such great peace that the world could never give.

How funny is this? The greatest conflict I faced all year has crumbled to nothing almost immediately as I gave it up to Him. To get to a point where I was able to say...

"God. What can I do without You. What a mess I make of life every time! I don't know what to do, I don't know if I'll make it. But I'd like the courage to give up the world and just learn to love You more. Take it all away, so that I can cling to You and make You my only priority."

And when I was ready to choose Him before anything the world may give... His blessings poured out. How GREAT my God is. I was at my lowest - even in the worldliest standards I prided myself on. I was nothing... Yet He placed me in the best places, in the most perfect place I could have wished for. 

He gives when we are ready to receive. 

The whole of me knows that I have done nothing to get to where I am. I am humbled and grateful. And I feel motivated to try all this differently. To not fear Man, but to fear God. To not please Man, but to please God. I feel bolder, and courageous in making mistakes - because I know these are all lessons God has planned for me to learn. I have seen how strangely, and wonderfully He works in my life. How he knows me better than I know myself... All things within Him are Good. 

To find myself falling in love with this majestic being all over again is the most blissful thing in my life. 

And I think if things had not turned out exactly the way it did, I would not be able to say that GOD is the greatest blessing in my life.

in Him we have strength. 

And I am reflecting on this today:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

 

Journal 04/20/13

It's Saturday :)
Even when my days are completely stress-free, I find myself looking forward to the weekend. Fridays are an excuse to stay up extra late, squeeze in a good movie, a documentary, a book.

Yesterday, I finished watching 'The Gods Must be Crazy' which I really enjoyed. A lot of slap stick humour from the 80s. Then I also watched a BBC documentary about intelligence:



Then picked up Stephen Hawking's 'A Briefer History of Time' once again. It's the funniest thing reading this book, and getting excited while he talks about things completely out of my capacity to understand. The universe is so miraculous in its realness.

There's a quote by Claude Monet I stumbled upon recently...

Everyday I discover more and more beautiful things. It's enough to drive one mad. I have such a desire to do everything, my head is bursting with it.

And it reminded me of Sylvia Plath saying

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited. 

 I have this greed to experience everything I can, accomplish all my romantic fancies, see great places, witness wonderful events, learn many, many things. And to realize that life calls for sacrifice, prioritization of activities makes me somewhat discouraged.

No, I probably won't ever have a chance to learn patisserie, speak 10 languages, visit all the greatest museums and galleries of the world, save a third world village from poverty, read the books on the list of 1000 books to read before you die, befriend someone powerfully influential, open up my own bakery cafe, or write a book, shoot a film, and live in a cottage home in the countryside.

All these restrictions make me afraid to dream any bigger than the level I've come down to. It should be a terrifying place to settle at during my youth, yet I feel I've imploded violently enough that I need a break from all the "dream big" talk circulating.

A more practical and perhaps... 'realistic' point of view has surfaced. My way of thinking has always been plagued by extremities - give or take all, all in or nil, be first place or finish last. Mediocrity was detrimental to my well-being. But I'm feeling the heaviness of this word: BALANCE

It means knowing myself enough to understand that I need to work in order to enjoy leisure, I need worldly challenges to appreciate the spiritual reprieve. It means my 'romantic fancies' aren't completely useless or unfitting for a 'professional' life - it simply means value comes in different forms. For example, do I really want to open up my own bakery cafe - or is it that I want to enjoy the vibes when I can?

Maybe life is about making compromises. Negotiating with the self and the world... But it's also about knowing when to not make the compromise. And I think that knowledge comes from constant introspection, being aware of the self and world.

This reminds me of The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I was in gr.12 when I read it - didn't enjoy it - maybe it's time to read it over...

Playlist for cafes

카페에 앉아 from poistroc on 8tracks Radio.

I began listening to Korean indie music once again. It's rather soothing. 

I find that k-indie songs are very suitable for Spring days :) 

Urban Zakapa

Korean 'Indie' band that I fell in love with back in 2011 during my trip to Korea.
I usually cannot stand groups that only sing/write about love but they're talented.
One thing I always look for in a group is whether their songs are distinguishable - while retaining the identifiable uniqueness of the group. On all counts, Urban Zakapa blows me away :) So lovely!

I've listened to this song countless number of times, but I still love it as I did the first time I heard. They have 3 albums I know of - 01, the EP, and 02. 

Favourite tracks from all their collective albums: 

• 봄을 그리다
• 그날에 우리
• 허무하다
• 우리 처음 만난 날
• No Love
• 내게 다시
• 커피를 마시고

There are many more... 

Definitely one of my favourite Korean groups :) I'll be sure to buy ALL their albums when I'm back in Korea next year!! 

Journal 04/11/13

The 2012/13 school year has finally come to a close.
Though... I do have an intersession course starting Monday :@

Still, one of my 'simple truths' for a better me = to celebrate smaller victories

I wound down by watching some cartoons from my childhood :)
Re-watching these shows are some of the best de-stressing methods I've found.
Though... I am conflicted. With hobbies such as these, I have a hard time accepting the maintenance of such "childish" enjoyments. However,

“When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”   -   C.S Lewis

That's very encouraging, isn't it? :)

The cartoon I was watching is Rupert the Bear:

Honestly one of the best things ever :) Saturday mornings with cereal. Who can forget?

Despite good things, I still have a lot to think through. I need to organize my thoughts and figure out more details about the near future :) - with a positive mind!!

Café@Home - Hot Chocolate Recipe #1

I love warm, frothy, cozy drinks. Lattes, hot chocolate, mochas... But they're so high in calories, and for someone who's always trying to lose weight, definitely a no-no >:)  The 'skinny' option at Starbucks usually  taste like nothing but syrup to me and even has this stinky after-taste that I can't stand. 

Almond milk is only 40 kcal per cup, but still very rich because of the fat. It's quite a task to balance the flavours to my liking since almond milk has a strong taste in itself, and I've failed so many times in the past. This one however, was very good :) ... while being low calorie :) ohoho 

Photo Journal 03/14/13

It's been a hectic week, and there are only 14 days of classes left. Time has never flown by so fast as this year. So many things have changed, and I foresee many more changes taking place. I guess I've become better at it - understanding that I can't keep pushing the 'real' world far from where I am. Sooner or later, it does (and did) hit. The longer I spend denying it, the greater effort it takes to recover.

Despite all these changes, some things are constant. The things that last are always the most precious. Moments that seem to freeze time for a bit to give me reprieve... Like the long walks I can take to sort out my thoughts - not to plan this, plan that... but rather just calmly reflect where I am in the present, and what I want from life.

I had one of those walks today. I had to work on a group project all day, and need to head out again at 7:30... but I did get to take some photos on my walk back home. My DSLR has been out of battery all this month... So much is going on, I can't bring myself to take it out. But iPhones are good in these cases :)

fences

thursday skies

Spring is coming :)

The first day of Spring is March 20th. I don't know why, but I genuinely get excited about this every year. I don't pay much attention to Summer & Winter, but I wait for Spring & Autumn with great anticipation :)

It's more refreshing than New Years by a mile... Those just feel like changing numbers - it's sometimes just  plain depressing. With changing seasons though, you see/hear/smell the differences, and feel it coming. Like this past week - mornings are brighter, warmer, and there are more people out walking about than usual. 

This gives me a good idea: I'll do Seasons resolutions instead of a full New Years'. It's more reasonable to plan for the shorter term with these kinds of things, when you know whether life has thrown lemons or flowers at you. 

My Top 5 Favourite Films

I don't watch too many movies, but when I do, I try to be very careful in selecting... And I like to call them films rather than "movies" because it somehow places them in a higher category in my strange mind. One thing to note: I'm usually entirely skeptical of movies with fad-like status. It skews my opinion to the point that I can't go into the theater without a negative bias towards it. So I tend to stick to films that have endured the times and ridden out the hype :) So here below - My Top 5 Favourite Films (no genre limitations)

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I'm almost entirely certain that I'm drawing way too many implications from this film, but what can I say - it hit all the right chords for me. I hate Jim Carrey movies usually - they're rambunctious, hectic and usually... dumb. I appreciate Kate Winslet though, so I took a stab at it after my brother gushed over it. It was perfect. I never re-watch films because I find them a waste of time, but this one I could watch again and again. There's much depth to it: in the shallowest observation, it's a simple romance film. But there's so much more...

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

To cease the recurring memories of a loved one, to have the choice to do so, the consequences of doing so, and the curious ways of the heart in responding to having done so. There are details and details layered in the film that I love, and whether or not it was intended - they're mind blowing.

2. 12 Angry Men

I watched this one with my family one winter evening. How vintage (and cheesy) is the movie cover? "Life is in their hands- Death is on their minds!" My dad told me that Henry Fonda often played roles that depicted the American Hero. And indeed, his character was charming and captivating. But I think all 12 men in this were phenomenal. Their performance is really just phenomenal yet not distracting... All you can see is the life of the character. It's beyond me how they shot the entire film with such limited props, but in its simplicity is the best storyline.











3. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Jack Nicholson - I have underestimated. He's been in so many movies, but all I recognized were movies like 'Something's Gotta Give' that didn't even remotely interest me... I watched Bucketlist, and thought it was lukewarm.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest... It's hilarious and dramatic. I was engrossed the entire time, and positively shocked with the twists in the film.

"Upon arriving at a mental institution, a brash rebel rallies the patients to take on the oppressive Nurse Ratched, a woman more dictator than nurse."

... It was so much more than just that!







4. Amelie


So the storyline is nuts and kind of 'meh' but the cinematography is entirely captivating. There's a scene in the beginning where the quirks of each character are depicted, and the details in these kinds of scenes completely made the film. The colours and music, the shots, the pictures, the location, setting, costumes... everything was appealing.
It was quite the package really. Beautifully shot.














5. Forrest Gump

I really think Tom Hanks should be one of my favourite actors. This film had me feeling so many things at the different parts of Forrest Gump's life. The familiarity and personal connections we make are from the setting of the story - his life took him everywhere. Also, as with all great stories, we relate to his biggest triumphs and bitterest losses in some small way...

"My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."